A entrevista que se impunha e pela qual todos esperavam: o Peter of Pan conversa com Barack Obama!

Estava eu ontem muito contente a largar o tijolo, quando de repente o meu telemóvel toca. Intrigado fiquei quando o ecrã mostrou a mensagem número desconhecido. Por curiosidade, atendi. Do outro lado, fez-se ouvir um inglês com sotaque americano: "Mr. Peter of Pan? Hi, this is Barack Obama speaking. Is there any chance for you to interview me? I absolutelly love your work!"

"Hold on", disse eu, pois o tijolo encontrava-se mesmo, mesmo à beira do canal de saída. "Urrrghhh", continuei. Dez segundos depois, e sem limpar o rabo, lá voltei a pôr a boca no telemóvel: "Ok, Mr. Obama. We've a deal. Please, meet me at the Rossio Peep Show in 10 hours. Goodbye". Desliguei o telélé, limpei o rabo, comi qualquer coisita e fui dormir.

Depois do rejuvenescedor descanso, lá fui para o Peep Show do Rossio, onde decorreria a entrevista. Passava pouco das 9h00 da noite quando chegou o Obama. Com um gesto, convidei-o a vir ter à minha mesa e liguei o gravador. Eis a primeira parte do que foi dito:

PoP: Hello, Mr. President.
Obama: Hello, so help me God.
PoP: First, congratulations for last Tuesday.
Obama: Thank you.
PoP: Let's start with a simple question, shall we? Do you really, really want to close Guantanamo?
Obama: Of course. Just for the fun, you know? In addiction, I want to make a brothel of it.
PoP: A brothel? Wow, that's sweet! Can I have a free pass?
Obama: Yes, you can!
PoP: Thanks, Mr. Obama. And please, make a new motto. Now, please tell me: what about the dog?
Obama: Well, your dog can have a free pass, too.
PoP: No, for fuck sake. I'm talking about the White House dog!
Obama: Oh, that dog! Well, we're still thinking about it.
PoP: Still thinking? But it's just an animal who goes "woof, woof" all around! It's not exactly has hard as to decide invading Iran...
Obama: Yes, you have a point there, but we want a special one.
PoP: A special one? Hmmm, you better go and talk with José Mourinho.
Obama: Who's that?
PoP: Oh, just a portuguese soccer coach who thinks he's the best on Earth and everyone else's a dick.
Obama: Really? That sounds soooo american! Are you sure he's portuguese?
PoP: Yes, I'm sure. Well, let's talk about politics. Have you got Halle Berry's phone number?
Obama: Yes, I have. Do you want me to give it to you?
PoP: Yes, if you please.
Obama: Ok, I have it in the Oval Office. As soon as I get back, I'll send it to you, with some photos of her breasts.
PoP: Wow. That's nice. You surely did make some changes at the White House. Two years ago, I urged Bush to send me, by email, some images of Angelina Jolie kissing another woman. Do you want to know what I got instead?
Obama: What?
PoP: A video footage of Dick Cheney having a stroke!
Obama: What a bastard...
PoP: You say so!

[Continua na próxima segunda-feira]